Death Perception captures the wit, wisdom, and gentle counsel of Joe Casper Sr. His words and perspectives set the tone for all that we do at Casper Funeral & Cremation Services. Enjoy.
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The Feast of the Assumption. Consistency, no maybes. If it’s a maybe, it’s an absolute no. Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking? That’s why I have created the Feast of the Assumption. Whenever you think something is going to happen, that is your assumption. You assume. You have no idea. If you think you know what I am thinking, then expect to be surprised. So why not ask? Don’t assume. Even if someone tells you what they are thinking, you really have no idea if what they are telling you is true. People tend to manufacture the truth. Exactly what truth do you want? And in fact, every truth has consequences. It’s when you tell someone what you are really thinking, and you assume they are thinking what you are thinking, that’s why we celebrate the Feast of the Assumption.
The very same applies to death perception. If you knew you were going to die in two hours and 21 minutes, what would you do? Would you go out for pizza or start praying? Would you watch a movie? That last call is a hard one to make. I once told a woman who was calling about making funeral arrangements that it was a virtual certainty that she would die within one year from the date of her last birthday. She asked, ‘Are you telling me that I’m going to die this year?’ I said, ‘No. If you are 72 and you were to die before you are 73, you would die within one year from the date of your last birthday.’ She said, ‘I am 72.’ I pressed on. If you are 91 years old and you die before your 92nd birthday, you will have died within one year from the date of your last birthday. She said, ‘But you said 72, and I am 72.’ That is a clear assumption. Needless to say, I don’t use that example anymore. However, it is indeed true that you will die within one year from the date of your last birthday. There are certain absolutes in life, and one death per person is one of them.
I had an experience where we took a funeral to a cemetery, and the people who attended the funeral were leaving. And this very nice woman didn’t have a ride back to her home. She wasn’t going where they were going. So I said to her, ‘Do you mind riding back with me and the hearse driver in the hearse, up front, of course?’ She said, ‘Not at all.’ There is an old poem, she said, ‘From the time you are born until you ride in a hearse, everything that happens in between could be worse.’ She was so right.
I also think that if you don’t get everything you want in life, think of all the things you don’t get that you don’t want. I think you simply live life and do the best you can for as long as you can. When it’s time for you to slow down, no one will have to tell you.
A lot of people talk about making pre-need funeral arrangements. I’m not a big fan of pre-need. I do refer to pre-need as the ultimate layaway plan. Here are three reasons why people should or could make pre-need funeral arrangements. One, the person is going into a nursing home and they have to spend their money down as a private pay resident. In effect, it is a case of either use it or lose it. Two, the person doesn’t want to be a financial burden to their family. And three, the person has no one, and a completed pre-need will get them cared for if they were to die. In all other instances, my opinion is, keep the money and use it for you. Besides, whomever you leave it to by your going without is going to burn through what you left behind.
If you make or have a will, make sure you put in the will your specific request of what you want done if you were to die. If that is not written specifically in the will, your next of kin gets to make all of your funeral decisions. It could be that your next of kin is not your will’s beneficiary, but you didn’t put that specific wish in the will and allow your personal representative to do exactly what your last call was. Check it out with an elder law attorney. Get that second opinion. You need to have a specific and absolute plan.
This is my Feast of the Assumption again. No one can assume what you want unless you write it down, get it witnessed and notarized. Forget this assumption stuff and be specifically specific. Most important, you always need to have a backup plan.
As part of living life, you can do anything if you set a time limit. If you are stuck in a situation you don’t want to be in, instead of lamenting, set a time in your mind and you can then do it. I do that. I set a time limit when I begin almost everything I do. I’m telling you it works. If you see someone you don’t really want to talk with, click off a time in your mind and you can do a great five minutes, then stop and move on.
Life is indeed a continuing series of onset, duration, and remission. Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and so forth and so on. Set your personal ground rules and don’t assume. Your great expectations, spelled g r e a t, soon becomes great frustration, spelled g r a t e, usually because you didn’t ask. And whose fault is that? That would be you. You need to celebrate the Feast of the Assumption, and in return, you will accentuate the positive more. When it’s time for the ultimate death perception, you will be ready and good to go.
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